Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thoughts
I have come to the realization that it's just not realistic that I meet with Tony Horton for an hour everyday. I've tried and tried, my schedule just does not allow it. I've also come to the conclusion it is better to do at least some sort of work out at least 5 days a week rather than nothing at all. Whether it be Tony Horton or something else. It's hard to walk around with extra pregnancy weight when your prize is in Heaven and not with you. It feels unfair sometimes. But, let me not wallow. There are many others with tragedies possibly much worse, or at least different. I would also like to be healthier for the next time I'm hopefully pregnant. It just seems like things might go more smoothly or turn out differently, although, that's really not totally true. I will try to trust in God and NOT lean on my own understanding. (Easier said, than done of course.)
On another note, thanks to Randy Anderson and Power Hour and Sunday School, I'm teaching M Bible verses through songs. Definitely the best way to memorize Bible verses. We've been learning Proverbs 3:5-6, but also one from Galations I think. It is the one that has me thinking. "I am crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live, Jesus Christ now lives in me." I keep thinking, when did I forget that, when did I forget that Jesus is supposed to be in control, that I'm supposed to do things His way and not mine. When did I forget that I'm supposed to deny myself, and not let my selfishness take over, or thinking that I have the right to be grumpy or mean, or whatever! It's like I forgot somewhere along the way. Of course I hesitate to even write this because the next time I'm grumpy or make a mistake, someone will remind me about this. It's also hard to write thoughts and things that have been swirling around in my heart. Moments between God and I. Some I'm sure too private to share. I want to be transparent, I just don't know completely how far that means.
I guess I will leave it there. Tomorrow my students and I are going to finish the last 2 chapters of Where the Red Fern Grows. We have become so close to Billy and his two dogs, Little Ann and Old Dan. We have gotten through Billy's challenges together and enjoyed many coon hunts with them. I feel terrible that my students don't know what's coming. That our hearts will be shredded to pieces with the ending. But in the end, it will have been worth the pain, for all the enjoyment we got from hanging out with Billy, Ann and Dan. We have learned so much from them about determination, persistence, and love.
It's just like with Mason. I would have rather had him with all this pain, scar and weight, than not at all. I know that God has already used Mason's short life to spread His word and minister to others. As always, I am thankful to have at least had him for a short time, than not at all.
On another note, thanks to Randy Anderson and Power Hour and Sunday School, I'm teaching M Bible verses through songs. Definitely the best way to memorize Bible verses. We've been learning Proverbs 3:5-6, but also one from Galations I think. It is the one that has me thinking. "I am crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live, Jesus Christ now lives in me." I keep thinking, when did I forget that, when did I forget that Jesus is supposed to be in control, that I'm supposed to do things His way and not mine. When did I forget that I'm supposed to deny myself, and not let my selfishness take over, or thinking that I have the right to be grumpy or mean, or whatever! It's like I forgot somewhere along the way. Of course I hesitate to even write this because the next time I'm grumpy or make a mistake, someone will remind me about this. It's also hard to write thoughts and things that have been swirling around in my heart. Moments between God and I. Some I'm sure too private to share. I want to be transparent, I just don't know completely how far that means.
I guess I will leave it there. Tomorrow my students and I are going to finish the last 2 chapters of Where the Red Fern Grows. We have become so close to Billy and his two dogs, Little Ann and Old Dan. We have gotten through Billy's challenges together and enjoyed many coon hunts with them. I feel terrible that my students don't know what's coming. That our hearts will be shredded to pieces with the ending. But in the end, it will have been worth the pain, for all the enjoyment we got from hanging out with Billy, Ann and Dan. We have learned so much from them about determination, persistence, and love.
It's just like with Mason. I would have rather had him with all this pain, scar and weight, than not at all. I know that God has already used Mason's short life to spread His word and minister to others. As always, I am thankful to have at least had him for a short time, than not at all.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Latest news
I don't even know where to begin. So many thoughts and feelings swirl around in my head and heart. It really feels too private to share. I don't know. I have been awaiting to hear from Dr. S about the results of my uterus and whether or not something can be done to help prevent another loss of a baby. Today he finally called, of course in the middle of the school day, so I have to repress and hold in these things till I can make it home. Keep it together and act like everything's ok. On that note, I'm home now. I was somewhat disappointed to find out my uterus IS bicornuate not septate. Any proceedure to correct this condition is not recommended at this point. So, here I am stuck with the same uterus for the next time I'm pregnant. It just depends on where the embryo implants as to whether or not he/she can survive long enough in the womb. I know should be thankful to have a uterus, and that I've been able to get pregnant and have a living daughter, but the news just brings back so much of the hurt and pain. The longing to hold my son and see him, and watch him grow up with our family. The crack in my heart that I thought was healing just opens back up. I am reminded that everyday I feel like a broken piece of china. I feel older with the experiences of life that age a person. Please don't misunderstand and think that I feel all alone or with out God. HE is the ONLY ONE who can and does heal my heart. HE is the ONLY ONE who understands me completely. I am thankful that He knows me so well, and cares. Despite the healing, there will always be a scar. Even though it will fade over time, it will always be there. I will learn to trust Him and lean not on my own understanding. My own understanding that tries to convince me there's no hope for my uterus, that only the same will happen again. I guess it's a possibility, but I want to lean on God's understanding, where miracles are possible and that even if it happens again, He has a purpose. I just have a broken body, but God knows that and He has a plan.
Now it's back to the daily grind. I find that just as before, there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day, even not watching TV. And, I'm so distracted. It's like ADD on steroids! I can sympathize even more with some of my kids, but on the other hand is harder for me at this point since I DO have so much on my mind.
I leave this post feeling somewhat better, although still disappointed in some aspects. Thankful for God. He is what gets me through everyday. He is my hope and my rock.
Now it's back to the daily grind. I find that just as before, there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day, even not watching TV. And, I'm so distracted. It's like ADD on steroids! I can sympathize even more with some of my kids, but on the other hand is harder for me at this point since I DO have so much on my mind.
I leave this post feeling somewhat better, although still disappointed in some aspects. Thankful for God. He is what gets me through everyday. He is my hope and my rock.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Easter
Here are some pics from this past week. We have made planets to hang in M's room, hunted easter eggs, died them, then practiced our batting skills with them! Lot's of fun and a good way to relieve stress!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A few pics
Aunt J's back yard.
My size grocery cart.
Painting my face like a cat.
Hiding on a boat.
Catfish!
Shark!
M & M
M&M
Baby T.C.
Pond
Top of the hill with Shiner.
Pond
Bouncy slide!
Playing in the dirt.
Birthday cake for mommy!
Rendevous with grandad.
Need a basket?
Fav. display at Fort W museum.
Not too much to say. I have been taking it easy. Will be headed back to work in a couple of weeks. Here are a few pics of M I thought would be fun to post.
My size grocery cart.
Painting my face like a cat.
Hiding on a boat.
Catfish!
Shark!
M & M
M&M
Baby T.C.
Pond
Top of the hill with Shiner.
Pond
Bouncy slide!
Playing in the dirt.
Birthday cake for mommy!
Rendevous with grandad.
Need a basket?
Fav. display at Fort W museum.
Not too much to say. I have been taking it easy. Will be headed back to work in a couple of weeks. Here are a few pics of M I thought would be fun to post.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
????????????
Telling Mason goodbye
BG,Maddie,grandad,Shiner,daddy
Riding BubbleGum
Reading with Aunt Bec
Dolphin tank at the aquarium
There is no appropriate title for this post. I wish I had many profound things to say also, but I don't. I haven't posted in a super long time because it has been such a busy and difficult year. At the beginning of the schoolyear I found out I was pregnant, then had some scares early on in the pregnancy and had to be on bedrest, but most of the rest of the pregnancy was uneventful. We discovered we were having a little boy and were so excited. We had already been making so many plans for when he was born. We constantly talked about him with Madeline so help prepare her for when he arrived. We had such a hard time trying to figure out the perfect name for him. I finally jokingly always said I was just going to call him Freckles Brown after the famous cowboy in Hugo. About 4 weeks ago, I went to the doctor because I hadn't felt him moving. He had been very active previously,even keeping me up at night with his antics! The doctor found his heartbeat and I had an ultrasound, he was developing normally, and everthing seemed ok. I still could not feel him moving after that, but thought, surely everything is fine because I had an ultrasound and everything was normal. I don't want to recall all the painful events after that, but at my next appointment there was no heartbeat, confirmed by ultrasound. We were devastated to say the least. Therefore, Mason Griffin Mora was delivered that day on March 4th. We have since buried him at a small country cemetary in OK. We are dealing with the grief and all the sudden changes. It is very difficult sometimes. I am so thankful to have God in which I can rely upon for everything and who knows everything about me. We are thankful to our friends and family for their support and most of all we are thankful to have had Mason in our lives, even for such a short time. He was a blessing and his life had purpose. Now he is in Heaven with Jesus and I am so happy for him. We are also so thankful to have our baby girl, who continues to be the joy of our lives! She continues to help us heal from this tragic loss.
Here are a few of our latest pics.........
BG,Maddie,grandad,Shiner,daddy
Riding BubbleGum
Reading with Aunt Bec
Dolphin tank at the aquarium
There is no appropriate title for this post. I wish I had many profound things to say also, but I don't. I haven't posted in a super long time because it has been such a busy and difficult year. At the beginning of the schoolyear I found out I was pregnant, then had some scares early on in the pregnancy and had to be on bedrest, but most of the rest of the pregnancy was uneventful. We discovered we were having a little boy and were so excited. We had already been making so many plans for when he was born. We constantly talked about him with Madeline so help prepare her for when he arrived. We had such a hard time trying to figure out the perfect name for him. I finally jokingly always said I was just going to call him Freckles Brown after the famous cowboy in Hugo. About 4 weeks ago, I went to the doctor because I hadn't felt him moving. He had been very active previously,even keeping me up at night with his antics! The doctor found his heartbeat and I had an ultrasound, he was developing normally, and everthing seemed ok. I still could not feel him moving after that, but thought, surely everything is fine because I had an ultrasound and everything was normal. I don't want to recall all the painful events after that, but at my next appointment there was no heartbeat, confirmed by ultrasound. We were devastated to say the least. Therefore, Mason Griffin Mora was delivered that day on March 4th. We have since buried him at a small country cemetary in OK. We are dealing with the grief and all the sudden changes. It is very difficult sometimes. I am so thankful to have God in which I can rely upon for everything and who knows everything about me. We are thankful to our friends and family for their support and most of all we are thankful to have had Mason in our lives, even for such a short time. He was a blessing and his life had purpose. Now he is in Heaven with Jesus and I am so happy for him. We are also so thankful to have our baby girl, who continues to be the joy of our lives! She continues to help us heal from this tragic loss.
Here are a few of our latest pics.........
Monday, June 28, 2010
Maruja & M dancing
TV time
Used to be scared of Elmo, now I love him!
Notice the double tutu action going on here!
My doll and I have the same dress!
Here are some pics of late. Unfortunately we keep forgetting to take our camera on our most recent adventures with Maruja and Miriam. Maybe we'll remember for the next time!
TV time
Used to be scared of Elmo, now I love him!
Notice the double tutu action going on here!
My doll and I have the same dress!
Here are some pics of late. Unfortunately we keep forgetting to take our camera on our most recent adventures with Maruja and Miriam. Maybe we'll remember for the next time!
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